If you’ve never destroyed a car, well then, seriously, what are you doing with your life? While more recently, auto wrecking has turned into an entire industry, the art of car destruction goes back centuries, back to the earliest cave dwellers who dreamed of automobiles, and more importantly, of destroying those automobiles.
The process can be quick or slow, complex or simple, painful or delightful, but regardless, you’re bound to have a blast. Here are the 7 best ways to destroy a car (learned entirely from experience).
7) Sledge Hammers
Few things get the adrenaline going quite like demolishing a piece of metal with your bare hands. Since that is impossible, however, demolishing a piece of metal with another piece of metal is the next best option. Just hammer away until that frame is a bent to nothing and the sheet metal is a tattered crisp. Bust in each window with a single, mighty blow for maximum effect.
In the interest of fair disclosure, this is going to take a long time – a LONG time. Honestly, that’s what makes it so much fun. The car doesn’t just disappear. It’s a long slow process of glorious destruction, dent by dent and crack by crack. Try hurling large rocks for higher impact or send smaller missiles at maximum velocity, either way, it’s great fun for the whole family.
This a fantastic option for moving into high-speed projectiles without getting too crazy. Load up some shotguns and poke some holes in that old sedan like a boss. Shotguns are super fun for the windows especially. It’s almost indescribably watching an entire window pain shatter at once. The side panels will take some time depending on your caliber, and you won’t even touch the frame, but it’s still fun.
If you can get your hands on a flamethrower, it will be worth your time to purchase a junk car for the sole reason of destroying it. Nothing beats melting metal with a flamethrower. This entry combines the pleasures of auto wrecking with the utter joy of fire. It’s a redneck’s ultimate delight, and you know you want in.
Have you ever run over something in a bulldozer? Exactly. It’s the best. You just flatten stuff like nobody’s business. Flattening anything is super fun, but a car – that’s just a whole other level. Try lining up multiple cars in a row and pancaking the whole lot of them all at once. Everything bends before the weight of the cement roller – everything.
Yes, that is correct. I said TNT. Why settle for burning, shooting, or flattening a car when you could simply blow it up in one beautiful explosion of magnanimous proportions? This entry combines the joys of auto wrecking with the awe of watching metal in flight, and did I mention the explosions?
1) Auto Wrecking Machine
The name says it all. These things were made to disseminate cars into metal chunks. Auto wrecking may not sound as exciting as an explosion, because it isn’t, but you get to use a finely tuned machine to do exactly what it was designed for, and that is pretty sweet.
Why are you still reading? Go wreck some automobiles!
My name is Tiffany Olson and I love to provide advice about the (safe) destruction of property. When I’m not swinging my hammer (or blogging about it) you can usually find me engaging in more mundane activities such as reading, cooking, or hiking.